To Bite Your Tongue Is Better…

Based on the teachings of Abu Abdissalam during the seminar entitled: “Heart Therapy – Purification of the Soul” - A course offered by Al Kauthar institute.

Abu Hurayrah said that Allah’s Messenger sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said: “Do you know what is backbiting?” The Companions said, “Allah and His Messenger know best”.  Thereupon the Prophet said, “Backbiting is to talk about your brother in a manner which he does not like”.

Backbiting is a major sin, yet it is “only the thoughtless utter of a few words, light on the tongue but weighty in sin.  It could lead a person to Hellfire”.

Common mistakes which are considered backbiting:

1. Its only backbiting if I am lying about the person.

• Backbiting refers to a truthful statement, which when said is disliked by the person being talked about.
• If someone is lying about another person this is called buhtan, and is even worse than backbiting.

The sahaba asked the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam: “Suppose that there are actual faults in the one I am talking about?” The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam replied: “If what you say concerning your brother is true, you are guilty of backbiting, but if what you say concerning him is not true, you are guilty of slandering him.” (Muslim).

2. If someone asks me about another person that I dislike, I’ll just say that I don’t want to backbite about them.

• Imam Nawawi said: “It does not matter if you mention it explicitly by word or implicitly by indication or a gesture…”

“When Aisha said to the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, ‘It should be enough for you to know about Saffiyah that she is such and such’, implying that she is short.  He replied: ‘You have said a word that if mixed with the water of the sea, would contaminate it’”.  (Tirmidhi & Abu Daud)

3. I’ve already told that person what I think about them to their face.

• Backbiting does not only include those statements which are said in the absence of your fellow Muslim.  Rather, it even includes those who compromise the honour of another Muslim while in their presence.

It was narrated in the Hadith relating the incident of the Mi’raj (Ascent) that: “The Prophet passed by a group of people with copper fingernails, with which they scratched their own faces and chests.  Upon witnessing this he asked: “Who are those, Jibril?” and he was told in response, “Those are the people who eat the flesh of other people and vilify their honour”.

It is, in fact, better to bite your tongue and hold back your negative words regarding another, than to say something which hurts another.

“Neither spy, nor backbite one another.  Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?  Surely you would loathe it.  Fear Allah.  Indeed, Allah relents and is Merciful.” (Surah Al Hujurat).